


I Found

by lahdolphin



Series: A Very Potter Haikyuu!! [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Not A Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 10:23:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11598660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lahdolphin/pseuds/lahdolphin
Summary: It was Daishou’s fault that Kuroo was like this. Why couldn’t he just admit that? He had to drop his pride and beg and plead and say all of those things he should have said to Mika, all of those things he still wanted to say to Mika. (Or, Daishou and Kuroo date and it does not end well because feelings are hard when you're young.)





	I Found

**Author's Note:**

> There are some heavy mentions of underage sex but nothing explicit so I didn’t put the warning tag. Without giving away too much, this fic does not have a happy ending and depicts an unhealthy relationship so if that's not your cup of tea take note.

In first year, one of Kuroo’s roommates learned that Daishou was a muggle-born and called him a mud-blood for everyone in Slytherin to hear. Daishou didn’t even know what the word meant until Kuroo explained it to him in a fit of fury. Another one of Daishou’s friends said they would stick a dungbomb under the boy’s bed, but Daishou did not want to be bothered.

Anyone who judged him by his blood status was not worth his time. Besides, everyone was still whispering about the muggle-born in Slytherin, and Daishou did not want to draw even more attention to the matter.

A few days later, Daishou discovered that Kuroo had nearly hexed his roommate’s tongue out during a midnight duel. Daishou hadn’t known about the duel until after the fact when everyone stopped whispering about the muggle-born in Slytherin and began to whisper about Kuroo, the ruthless Slytherin that would even attack his own roommate.

“I’d do it again,” Kuroo said with a stupidly stubborn look. “No one calls my friend a mud-blood and gets away with it.”

 

* * *

 

By fall of sixth year, nearly everyone had forgotten about how Kuroo had nearly hexed off his roommate’s tongue (they were no longer roommates). If they remembered the incident, they did not mention it in fear of having their own tongue hexed off.

Kuroo was a model student—beater on the house team since fourth year, prefect, OWLs in every subject he took—but he was still a Slytherin and Hogwarts seemed to have a phobia of snakes. The fact that Kuroo was also a prominent member of the Dueling Club did not settle anyone’s fear.

People whispered about Kuroo Tetsurou on a near daily basis and Daishou despised them for it.

“I don’t think Slytherins should be allowed in Dueling Club. The house has produced more bad witches and wizards than the other houses combined! Why teach them spells when they’re just going to turn on us?”

“My friend is in Dueling Club and said Kuroo only ever uses defense spells. He hasn’t used an offensive spell since first year when you-know-what happened.”

“Yeah, but he _knows_ the spells. You-know-what is proof that he does! What kind of first year knows a hex like that?”

“You know, I heard he’s not even the best dueler in the club.”

“Then who is?”

Daishou glared at the group of Ravenclaws, who were huddled together outside the Potions room watching Kuroo and Daishou as they approached. Only Slytherins seemed to understand how whispers traveled through the dungeons; the other houses’ conversations were not nearly as private as they thought.

The group startled and quieted. If Kuroo heard—Daishou was sure that he did and was pretending not to—he did not say anything, continuing to talk about how Bokuto in Hufflepuff was asking for him with two new players on his Quidditch team.

“Why would you help the enemy?” Daishou asked.

Their knuckles brushed as they walked. The folds of Daishou’s skin were filled with dirt from his work in the greenhouse while Kuroo’s hands were rough and dry.

Kuroo gave Daishou a curious look as they entered the Potions classroom. Sometimes Daishou wondered if Kuroo listened to every word that came out of Daishou’s mouth, or if he just heard what he wanted to hear.

“He’s my friend,” Kuroo replied simply.

“I don’t know much about Quidditch, but isn’t the point to beat the other team? If he’s having issues with his team, why help? Let them crash and burn.”

“It’s boring if the opponents are bad.”

“If the opponents are bad, you win.”

“What if you had to face a first year in Dueling Club? Wouldn’t that be boring?”

Daishou and Kuroo sat down next to one another near the front of the room. Daishou’s eyes followed Kuroo as he dug through his bag for a quill.

“Are we talking a normal first year, or how you were as a first year?”

“Not cool, Suguru.”

Daishou thought about Kuroo’s question more seriously and then answered, “I guess it would be pretty boring, if it wasn’t you.”

Kuroo found his quill, a large fluffy white feather with a gold plated tip; Daishou and Mika had given it to him for his birthday last year as thanks for getting them together and Kuroo claimed it was his favorite quill. Daishou’s face went soft as he watched Kuroo smile in victory, holding up the quill for Daishou to see.

“Congratulations, you found a quill,” Daishou said in an obviously mocking-tone.

Kuroo shoved his shoulder playfully and asked, “Are you coming to the match tomorrow?”

“Probably. You’re playing Gryffindor, right?”

Kuroo nodded. “Sawamura may have beat us last year in the spring, but we won’t lose this time. I’ve been practicing this shot where I hit the quaffle with a bludger. It’s tricky because the bludgers can cut at weird angles depending on the weather, but I think I got the hang of it this summer.”

“You could always aim for their twigs. That’ll slow them down.”

Kuroo laughed like that was a joke and not a serious suggestion. “No way. I don’t like plays like that. Not my style.”

“Even if it helps you win?”

“You know I like a head-on competition. It’s more fun.”

“You’re boring.”

Kuroo shrugged, unbothered. Daishou admired this side of Kuroo, the one that was honest and good, and went against everything Slytherins stood for. Daishou thought it was stupid of him to an extent, but he admired it nonetheless.

Kuroo was one of the best things in Daishou’s life, the best part of him, the part that was pure and kind, the part that Daishou had lost when his classmates spat that despicable word at him years ago.

 

* * *

 

Daishou’s throat was hoarse from yelling at the game and yelling with Mika. She was talking about plans for the next Hogsmeade trip, an inevitable date, when Daishou mentioned wanting to look for new spell books.

That lead to the fight. She thought all he cared about was Dueling Club, or his plants. She said he spent too much time researching spells and his care for his plants was obsessive. Daishou scoffed because it was _wrong._

He wanted to say he cared about a lot of things, cared about her, because it was the truth. He had cared about her since first year when, the day after Daishou was called a mud-blood, she said she was a muggle-born and would always be there to talk. That meant as much to him as Kuroo’s actions, maybe even more.

But when he scoffed first before he could explain, she snapped.

Daishou wondered if she had just been waiting for an excuse, or maybe it had been the tipping point.

Either way, Slytherin beat Gryffindor and he didn’t need more than one excuse to get drunk, yet here he was with two reasons.

He sat in the corner with Sakashima, Takachiho, Numai, and Hiroo and drank shot after shot of vodka he nicked from that seventh year that never locked his door. It burned, made him shiver when it hit the back of his tongue.

Kuroo laughed with his teammates, dancing with that seeker girl he had gotten close to last year. Kuroo would certainly be captain next year and she would likely be captain when he graduated.

Daishou watched Kuroo toss his head back, baring his throat and the thick lines of muscles. His teeth looked so sharp when he smiled and laughed, his mouth open and lips stretched thin. Daishou had practically memorized the muscles of Kuroo’s mouth and neck, the way they shifted with his emotions. It was the only way to get a read on Kuroo sometimes.

Daishou downed another shot.

Slowly, the music began to fade. The crowd began to thin as peopled retired to bed. Tomorrow, there would be jeers at Gryffindors over breakfast and lunch. By dinner, tensions would be thin and if the wrong person was poked, there would be a show.

Daishou remained in the common room even when he his friends left, nursing a glass of butterbeer. He had run out of vodka an hour ago.

He looked around, wondering if he knew anyone who was left, only to spot Kuroo, who was walking over—stumbling, may have been a better word—with a glass of reddish liquor. Kuroo usually favored fire whiskey, which had an orange hue, not a red, pinky one.

“The hell is that?” Daishou asked.

Kuroo dropped himself onto the nearby loveseat, only careful enough not to spill his drink. He lifted his glass and looked through it. Rather, looked at the liquid inside.

“Suzumeda’s drink,” he said finally, taking a sip. “Cherry something. Schnapps? Yeah. Schnapps.”

The way Kuroo said the word was, for some reason, hilarious in Daishou’s alcohol muddled state.

Daishou grinned and tilted his head back against chair he sat in. The leather was cool on his neck. The common room got hot with half the house in it.

“Somethin’ funny?” Kuroo asked, leaning forward, nearly falling off the loveseat.

Kuroo was smiling and Daishou felt a flush of heat. He tipped back his glass, finishing it, wishing it were stronger than butterbeer.

“Wha’s wrong?” Kuroo asked.

Daishou shook his head, the alcohol making him sick as the room span. He tossed his glass onto an empty chair and hoped it didn’t roll and break, or that he didn’t miss. He didn’t hear any glass shatter so it was probably okay.

He stopped shaking his head, bit his lip, and turned his head to look at Kuroo.

“She dumped me,” Daishou muttered. “Said I was obsessed with dueling and my plants. Fucking dumped me because I have _hobbies_.”

“Why can’t relationships jus’ be with someone you like?” Kuroo asked, speaking slowly so he didn’t slip on his words more than he was. “Like, a friend.”

“Bokuto?” Daishou joked. “Sawamura?”

“No,” Kuroo said, shaking his head and smiling. “Just someone you get along with. Someone you can fuck with without it being taken the wrong way, ya know? Someone that fucks with you back. Fucks you back? Shit. You know what I mean.”

Daishou nodded, the leather rubbing against his cheek. He knew what Kuroo meant. Someone you could mess around with, someone who would take your shit and give it back, someone who would never cross the line and hurt you because they knew you so well that they knew your boundaries.

Daishou could tease Mika, but never banter with her like he did with Kuroo. She was too gentle, too kind. She was late nights in the courtyard, hands stroking through hair, concern genuine and not awkward or out of place like it would be coming from someone like Kuroo. She was soft kisses, warm hands, rosy cheeks, and bright smiles.

_Fuck._

Kuroo made a noise, started a sentence then stopped it. Finished the cherry schnapps. Set his glass on the floor.

“Hey,” Kuroo said, voice quiet, “some people think rebounding helps.”

“Maybe.”

Softer in volume and tone, “Are you gonna remember this tomorrow?”

Daishou closed his eyes. Shrugged. He really didn’t know. He had never been this far gone and that included Kuroo’s birthday last year.

The leather of the loveseat squeaked as Kuroo shifted. Daishou kept his eyes closed, figuring he could just sleep in the common room right where he was. He felt Kuroo enter his space, opening his eyes as Kuroo crawled into his lap and kissed him.

 

* * *

 

Kuroo was a master of defensive spells. Ever since first year, he had refused to cast a jinx or hex at another person. Even in Defense Against the Dark Arts, when they were graded on their ability to duel against their classmates, Kuroo would take a zero. Daishou thought it was incredibly stupid but a great show of determination. Kuroo only got an E on his OWL because he refused to do the practical portion of the exam.

Because of that, Daishou acknowledged the irony of Kuroo with his defenses down.

That’s how Daishou saw Kuroo the next morning, defenseless. They laid on the love seat with Daishou sprawled out on top of Kuroo, steadied only by Kuroo’s thick arms around him. Kuroo’s face was softer when he was asleep, less bothered by the stress of classes and his position as a prefect and the inevitability of the future.

Daishou never thought of Kuroo like this. Never even considered him as a person you could think of like this. He had been so blindly infatuated with Mika that he had not recognized Kuroo as more than a friend.

Daishou shifted up, bracketing Kuroo’s head with his arms, and kissed his jaw.

Kuroo groaned and shifted, waking. He opened his eyes to Daishou grinning wickedly, overjoyed that he got to see Kuroo like this, with his defenses down.

He felt Kuroo’s heart skyrocket, felt his muscles tense, could practically see the many gears of Kuroo’s head turning to make sense of this.

Daishou relaxed completely against Kuroo.

“So,” Kuroo said, hesitant. He licked his lips quickly. “Do you remember last night?”

Daishou tilted his head and cocked an eyebrow. “I remember that you’re a shit kisser, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“You’re no better.”

“Oh, yes, I am. Want me to prove it?”

Kuroo grinned and laughed, turning so Daishou was on his side and he was sandwiched between the back cushions and Kuroo’s body, which was dangerously close to tumbling off the loveseat and onto the floor. Daishou swung a leg over Kuroo’s, steadying him like Kuroo had held him last night.

Kuroo smiled when he kissed him.

Daishou thought that maybe, _maybe_ this wouldn’t a train wreck.

 

* * *

 

Mika didn’t even look at him. Her friends did, though. Michimiya, Shirofuku, Shimizue. If looks could kill. For all he knew, Shimizue’s looks could kill. That medium always gave him the creeps, even if Mika swore up and down she was perfectly normal.

It was fine. That’s what he told himself. He didn’t need her.

He had Kuroo now.

It was Kuroo, not Mika, that sat on the empty workbench in the greenhouse while Daishou carefully clipped the leaves of his plants—poisons and hybrids he crossed in his spare time; lively, bright, non-toxic flowers that he planted in his mother’s flower garden when he went home for summer. Mika thought his “obsession” with his poisons was weird; she only liked the flowers. He wanted to make new antidotes, to help people, but she still thought it was a bit strange.

Kuroo thought Daishou was strange, but he accepted that strangeness.

“You wanna practice Defense Against the Dark Arts after this?” Daishou asked, setting aside his clippers in favor of a fat brush he used to clean the edge of the pot.

“I have Quidditch practice in half an hour,” Kuroo replied. He gripped the edge of his workbench and swung his legs back and forth. “Then I have plans with Bo and Sawamura.”

“What do you three do at night, anyways?”

Kuroo grinned. “It’s a secret.”

Daishou rolled his eyes. All last year, Kuroo had been up to something with Sawamura and Bokuto, and he refused to tell Daishou, no matter how much he prodded.

It made Daishou more than a little angry.

“If you don’t mind staying up late, we can hang out then,” Kuroo offered.

Daishou grinned. “I don’t want to get you in trouble. Staying up past curfew is bad behavior for a prefect, right? Mr. Goody-two-shoes.”

Kuroo flipped him off. Daishou laughed.

 

* * *

 

Bokuto followed Daishou out of the Great Hall after dinner. Daishou called him out in the empty dungeon halls. He stopped walking, pivoted around, and cocked his head at Bokuto.

“Something you’d like?” Daishou asked with false pleasantry.

Bokuto frowned and crossed his arms. Back in the world of a muggles, Daishou would be intimidated. Bokuto was larger than him and far stronger. But this was not the world of muggles. This was the world of magic and Daishou could hex Bokuto before he could make an idiot of himself.

“I never liked that you and Kuroo were friends,” Bokuto said.

“Shocker,” Daishou replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“He said he two were a thing now.”

A thing, huh? They hadn’t talked about labels. It felt like messing around to Daishou.

Whatever Kuroo wanted to call it, Daisou didn’t really care.

“And if you hurt him—“

Daishou stepped forward into Bokuto’s space. “Is that a threat?”

Bokuto did not flinch. Daishou expected that from Sawamura, the Gryffindor, but not from Bokuto. Daishou was moderately impressed the Hufflepuff managed to stand his ground.

“Don’t hurt him,” Bokuto said lowly before turning and walking away.

Daishou rolled his eyes and returned to the common room.

 

* * *

 

Daishou had only ever dated Mika. He held her hand and kissed her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He never even thought that he couldn’t do that with Kuroo.

They touched all the time before, arms around shoulders, fists to upper arms while they laughed and poked fun at one another, lying in bed drunk and too comfy to move. But they never touched with any other intent. At least, Daishou didn’t. He wondered if Kuroo ever did.

But it was an issue, or could have been, because they were two boys, not a boy and a girl, and Daishou didn’t even consider this until after he kissed Kuroo in the common room. It didn’t help that they were drunk (or that everyone else in the room was drunk because it was a party for god’s sake) because even Kuroo seemed to forget for a moment, fisting the front of Daishou’s shirt and opening his lips just enough.

By morning, everyone knew.

Mika looked at him once with a confused frown and Daishou felt his chest tighten. She didn’t look again.

No one dared to say anything, though. Daishou didn't know why. Teenagers could not keep their mouths shut about who was snogging who. Maybe because it was Kuroo, who was well liked, or because it was Daishou, who was well feared.

Daishou never gave a damn what they thought. He was a muggle-born in Slytherin. He wouldn’t have survived long enough if he cared.

 

* * *

 

At Dueling Club, Daishou watched as Kuroo snapped his wrist and twisted his wand, casting a shielding spell that sent the static bolt off to the side. Someone got hit and they froze for a second, all of their hair standing on edge. Daishou laughed at the bystander and at Kuroo’s opponent as Kuroo sent their wand flying.

Daishou wanted to kiss him desperately. He would punch Kuroo’s arm when he stepped down from the platform and say it was a good duel, then drag him down some corridor and snog him senseless after club ended.

But at the end of duel, Kuroo didn’t even walk off the platform. He vaulted off the side and rushed over to the bystander, asking if they were okay. Kuroo didn’t even know them.

Daishou really didn’t understand. It was just a minor jinx, nothing serious, nothing more than stuck up hair and a momentary blip of the nervous system.  

Daishou asked why he bothered, especially when the professor overseeing the club went over and fused seconds later.

“It’s not your responsibility,” Daishou said bitterly. “You don’t even know them.”

“But it was my fault,” Kuroo said. “I hate that shield spell. It doesn’t absorb, it redirects, but I didn’t have time to do the wand movement for the other spell.”

“You wouldn’t have this problem if you just jinxed or hexed your opponent first.”

“I’m not doing that,” Kuroo said seriously.

“Why? It’s quicker. The longer the duel goes on, the more chances your opponent has to take you down.”

“It’s not all about winning.”

Daishou frowned because that _was_ the point. “You can cast the spells. Everyone knows you can.”

Kuroo’s jaw tightened. “You know why, Suguru.”

He really didn’t feel like kissing Kuroo after they argued the entire way back to the common room.

 

* * *

 

Winter came and the warmth of the fire in the common room paired with a thick blanket was the best thing in the world. Daishou always managed to get a spot by the fire. He knew a lot about people, things they didn’t want spread around, and in theory he could hex their legs off, which always helped when he wanted the nicer sofa.

Kuroo came back from Quidditch practice, warm from the prefects’ bath he liked so much, and sat next to Daishou.

“I can’t feel my hands,” Kuroo said very calmly.

Daishou snickered. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Practice was brutal. Bokuto’s got that King of the Pitch on his team and this kid that is so fast it’s scary.” Kuroo sunk into the comfortable cushions and shivered. “Why is it so damn cold in here? There’s heating spells in every other part of the castle.”

“Aesthetic,” Daishou replied before lifting his blanket, inviting Kuroo over.

Kuroo hesitated for the briefest of moments before scooting closer, shoulder to shoulder to Daishou. He wrapped the blanket around his body and pulled his feet up onto the sofa, curled up like Mika would.

Daishou cursed himself for thinking of her, even when he was with Kuroo.

Kuroo rested his head on Daishou’s shoulder. He turned his head slightly and pressed his face against Daishou’s sweater and inhaled deeply.

“This is nice,” Kuroo said, tilting his head to look up at him. “Right?”

Daishou thought of Mika’s shampoo, of the way she would wrap her arms around his when leaning against his shoulder like this, how she asked him to feed her a piece of white chocolate.

That was nice.

This was close.

“Yeah,” Daishou said, not sure if he was lying or not.

 

* * *

 

They did not see each other over break.

They never talked much over break before, back when they were just friends, and Daishou didn’t feel the need to talk to Kuroo now. So it took him off guard when he received a letter and gift from Kuroo since they usually caught up after break and exchanged gifts then. Daishou rushed to the store to get something since he had yet to buy Kuroo's gift. 

It was strange how intense Kuroo was their first night back at Hogwarts. It was even stranger that he felt the same. 

“I missed you,” Kuroo said that first night back, holding Daishou tightly at the waist and leaning down to kiss him. "I missed this."

Daishou's body felt hot. His heart was racing. He felt like he was on the edge of the cliff that he could not wait to jump off of. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.

“I missed this too,” Daishou said as he looped his arms around Kuroo.

Kuroo smiled against his lips and shifted his body as they kissed.

Daishou felt him against his body. He had felt it before, when they were kissing quietly in bed while their roommates slept quietly a few beds away, or against the greenhouses before the fourth years came down for class, but never quite like this.

Never when they were completely alone in Daishou’s room.

Daishou’s back hit the locked door and Kuroo’s hands slid up, bunching up his shirt and exposing his skin. Kuroo kissed sloppily at his jaw and neck as his hands touched his bare skin. Daishou shivered. Kuroo's hands were rougher than Mika's, not as gentle, but just as shaky.

“Did you ever do it with her?” Kuroo asked, voice thick in a way that Daishou had never heard.

“Kind of,” Daishou said. He thread his hands into Kuroo’s messy hair, bringing his head up to kiss at his mouth again.

“How can you 'kind of' have sex?” Kuroo asked with a grin.

“We didn’t fuck.” He frowned quickly, said, “I don’t—Tetsurou, I don’t want to—“

Kuroo shushed him and kissed his cheek gently. “Me neither, not now. What are you comfortable with? We can just kiss. I like kissing you. I never want to stop kissing you.”

Daishou felt Kuroo kiss his jaw softly. Daishou returned the gesture, just as gentle, as gentle as he had been with her months ago. 

Kuroo's hands inched up his chest. Daishou inhaled.

“We used hands, mostly. And we went down on each other a few times,” Daishou said. He licked his lips. Kuroo watched him closely. "I'm okay with either."

Kuroo sunk to his knees.

 

* * *

 

“I’m so glad you got hard,” Kuroo said afterwards, when they were lying in Daishou’s bed, fully clothed because Daishou’s roommates would be coming back any second now.

Daishou played with Kuroo’s hair. He couldn’t twirl it like Mika’s, couldn’t braid it, but he could rub it between his fingers and thread his hand into it. He could hold onto it, too, which was new found knowledge he quite liked.

“Why do you say that?” Daishou asked. “You thought I was impotent or something?”

Kuroo shrugged and turned his head away form Daishou’s hand. Daishou moved his hand back to his side.

“I thought you were straight all this time. I’m still adjusting to the fact that you like me back.”

Like me _back._

Daishou almost asked how long Kuroo had been into him. Had Kuroo been into him all this time and he missed it? Or did his feelings develop after that drunken kiss?

“I’ve been kissing you for months. That obviously means I’m totally straight.”

Kuroo glared at him. “You never talked about guys. I came out to you last year and you said nothing about it.”

“Didn’t realize it until you came along, I guess.”

Kuroo sighed. “I was worried you were still into her and were just messing around until things worked out between you two.”

Daishou felt something sharp in his stomach. Guilt? No. He couldn’t be guilty. He liked being with Kuroo. He liked talking to Kuroo while they did homework together, or when Daishou worked on his plants. He liked messing around like they always have, and dueling with him, and kissing him.

He thought he liked him enough.

“And I’d never felt you get hard when we were together.” Kuroo lifted his head and grinned. “But I guess I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

Daishou pushed his face back into the pillow and Kuroo laughed. Daishou leaned down and kissed his neck, sucking a mark just below the collar line.

 

* * *

 

Slytherin lost to Ravenclaw. Kuroo was devastated.

“I’m telling you,” Daishou said that night in the common room, “if you knock out the opponent’s seeker, they can’t catch the snitch and you win.”

“And I’m telling you, that’s fucked up,” Kuroo said. “It’s not a fair game.”

“It’s all fair as long as you win. Besides, can you really say you’re trying if you didn’t do everything in your power to win?”

“I’m going to kiss you to shut you up.”

“You only want to shut me up because you know I’m right, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo leaned over and Daishou grinned, grabbing Kuroo by the neck and tugging him the rest of the way.

 

* * *

 

Daishou was on his way back from the library when he saw Kozume holding Kuroo’s calico cat, Kenma, and once against cursed Kuroo for naming his cat after his childhood friend.

“Did that thing get out again?” Daishou asked. “I can take it in.”

Kozume calmly scratched under Kenma’s chin. “You’re Kuroo’s boyfriend.”

“Yeah, we’ve met before. Multiple times now. Can I have the cat, or are you going to threaten me like Bokuto?”

“I don’t need to threaten you. Kuroo can take care of himself.” Kozume paused. “But apparently he can’t keep track of his cat.”

Daishou stretched out his arms and took the cat, who squirmed before settling down.

Kozume left without another word.

 

* * *

 

Kuroo was hunched over a book in the common room when Daishou slid up from behind him, messing up his hair. Kuroo swatted at his hand but let Daishou kiss him. Daishou sat next to him and looked at the book.

“More shield spells, huh?” Daishou said, bored already.

Each defensive spell seemed the same to him, yet Kuroo insisted on learning a few new ones every year.

“Wait,” Daishou said, flipping to the cover of the book (Kuroo gave him a nasty look for that, since he had been reading, but he would get over it), “is this the one I gave you last year for your birthday?”

It was.

“Did you ever try out that counter charm?” Daishou asked.

“Which charm?” Kuroo asked back.

“I showed it to you.”

“We were pissed.”

Daishou flipped through the book until he found the counter spell. “Instead of redirecting wildly, it redirects right back at your opponent with three times the force. Seriously high level, but you should be fine.”

“Thanks,” Kuroo snorted. “I don’t know, Suguru. It looks pretty offensive. You know my rule.”

“It’s a stupid rule and the world is made of gray. You’re defending yourself with this spell. You never know, you may win more duels this way.”

“I win plenty of duels,” Kuroo said, giving Daishou a challenging look.

“You haven’t beat me this year,” Daishou replied with a shrug and a cocky grin.

Kuroo looked back at the book. “What if my opponent sends a really nasty spell and I send it right back but stronger?”

Daishou rolled his eyes. “They didn’t have a problem sending it to you. They were asking for it. Stop being a pussy about it. You’re not casting it to hurt them, you’re casting it to protect yourself and win, okay?”

Kuroo bit his bottom lip, dog-tagged the edge of the page, and shut the book.

 

* * *

 

They held hands at Hogsmeade. Kuroo insisted Sawamura and Bokuto were okay with him when they both knew that was not the case. But it was the closest thing they had ever had to a date, even after all these months, so Daishou took advantage of it.

Daishou hung out with the trio, kissing Kuroo to piss off Bokuto and make Sawamura frown. Kuroo would push at his chest and laugh, hold his hand a bit tighter. Each reaction from the three boys was worth it.

At Honeydukes, Kuroo asked if he wanted to split the cost on a large pack of sugar wands.

“What flavors?” Daishou asked, leaning against Kuroo, who showed the box to him. “Cherry? No. Too sweet.”

“It’s not just cherry, it’s a mix,” Kuroo said. “There’s grape, and apple, and strawberry—“

“All sweet.”

“—and a few melon ones!”

Daishou rested his head on Kuroo’s shoulder. “How many melon?”

Kuroo laughed. “Let’s just split it. If you don’t eat enough, I’ll pay you back.”

“Deal.”

“You want anything else? Because I want some chocolate frogs. Bo ate all of mine when we were cramming for Charms. Oh, and I need to get a birthday gift for Suzumeda. She likes crystallized fruit so I was going to get a pack of three different flavors. What do you think?”

“I don’t know her, is what I think.”

Kuroo frowned, tucked the large box of sugar quills under one arm, and held Daishou’s hand with the other.

The bits of metal at the front door chimed and Daishou curiously looked over to see who would come into the jam-packed store. He inhaled sharply when he saw Mika with her closest friends, their eyes bright and cheeks rosy pink.

A list of sweets immediately ran through his head. White chocolate, never milk or dark, caramel squares, cauldron cakes, pink coconut ice, fudge flies—

Their eyes met and she waved hesitantly with a small smile.

Daishou squeezed Kuroo’s hand tight.

He wanted to wave back, but didn’t.

 

* * *

 

Daishou, his roommates, and Kuroo headed to Dueling Club together. Kuroo was scheduled to duel today and he had that quiet intensity about him. It made Daishou wish he was facing Kuroo on that dueling platform. It made him wish they were back in bed.

“Good luck,” Daishou teased before Kuroo stepped onto the platform.

“Don’t need it, but thanks.” Kuroo blew him a kiss.

Daishou laughed. 

The crowd around the platform was bigger than usual, all of them anticipating a good match. Kuroo’s opponent wasn’t a slouch, but he wasn’t a stellar dueler either. They would have to pull out some big stops to take down Kuroo, the second best in the school.

As usual, Kuroo didn't make the first strike. He waited for his opponent, who took several seconds after the start of the duel to cast his first spell—bat boogey hex, child's play. Kuroo deflected it out and took several steps forward. His opponent backed away from the pressure, getting closer to the end of the platform. Less room to move could make people panic and Kuroo put out incredible pressure.

Next, they sent out a stunning jinx. Deflected. 

Silencing charm. Deflected.

Kuroo deflected spell after spell, waiting for an opening to disarm his opponent. 

Then whirlwind of fire shot out of their wand, the flames so hot that Daishou could feel it from so far away, could smell the burnt smoke that had yet to come. Several people gasped and at the same time, Kuroo cast a spell—the counter charm.

The fireball ricocheted back at the student, engulfing them in flames.

 

* * *

 

The club meeting was called to an immediate end as the professor and seventh years hurried the student to the hospital wing. Every whispered and glared at Kuroo, who did nothing wrong but was taking the blame.

“They cast the spell first,” Daishou said to one particularly bitter fourth year. “Don’t throw fire if you’re afraid of being burned.”

Kuroo, somehow, disappeared in the mess of students. Daishou checked the common room, the dungeon corridors, and finally the hospital wing. He let out a sight of relief when he saw Kuroo sitting with his back to the wall outside of the room.

Daishou walked over, standing a few feet away. He asked, “Why do you look so worried? You should be glad it’s not you in there.”

Kuroo flinched and looked up at Daishou, his eyes like empty shells. “I put them in there, Suguru. It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not. They cast the spell.”

“And I sent it back.”

“What else could you have done? Absorbed it? You didn’t have time and we both know it. You could have redirected hit and hit someone else, which would leave us in the same situation we are now. It’s their fault for casting a nasty thing like that in the first place.”

Kuroo shook his head. “There had to have been another way. I was so focused on trying out that spell that I didn’t see it.”

“C’mon, it was a good duel.”

“Someone is hurt. How is that good?”

“You won, didn’t you?”

Kuroo’s eyes went wide. “How does that matter? How can you be like this? What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m saying things I always have. It never bothered you when we were just friends.”

“It bothered me then and it bothers me now!” Kuroo said, nearly shouted, voice raw. “Why can’t you understand that?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense. If it bothered you all this time, why the hell were you still my friend?”

“Because things are different now— _we’re_ different now. I listened instead of ignoring it. You got inside my head this time. You got inside my head with your fucked up ways and it made me hurt someone again!”

Daishou felt his face fall, felt his emotions begin to chill. Maybe the ice would protect him from this. He doubted it. It didn’t help with Mika. It wouldn’t help now.

“It’s your fault if your constitution was so weak to be swayed by me just because I started sucking your dick. That’s the _only_ thing that’s changed between then and now.”

Kuroo’s face dropped, plummeted, like Daishou had just stabbed him. It was over. It had to be over.

Fuck. What could Daishou say to fix this?

Kuroo laughed bitterly, shook his head, sat back down and raked his hands through his hair.

“You know what?” Kuroo said, face down, obscured from view. “You know _what?”_ He lifted his face, his expression vicious and cruel, twisted in ways that Daishou had never seen. “You’re fucked up. You’ve always been fucked up and I’ve ignored it because you were my friend. But you don’t even care that I hurt someone. You don’t care that what you told me to do—“

“You’re the one who actually did it!” Daishou interrupted.

“I don’t like myself when I’m with you. I don’t like how I have to ignore the things you say and do to just stand being next to you, how I laugh at the things you say.”

“Don’t make it my fault!”

“It was my fault,” Kuroo agreed, voice quieter, but not quiet. Still loud. Still angry. Still sharp like a spear. “You’re right. It’s my fault. It’s my fault some kid is in the hospital wing right now. It’s my fault for listening to you. It’s my fault for thinking this was more than us just sucking dick because it was convenient.”

Daishou didn’t say anything.

Kuroo hung his head again. He sighed, tired.

“We’re no good like this,” Kuroo said, like it hurt to admit it, like it was something he had thought about for a while now. “And I can’t—I can’t go back to how we were. I can’t listen to you and not have it affect me. We crossed this line and now we can’t go back. I don’t even want to go back, not after all of this.”

Kuroo grasped his hair and did not let go, knees tugged up and elbows resting on them.

“So that’s it?” Daishou asked angrily, like a volcano erupting. He was shouting, his throat sore. “Six years of being friends—all of it down the gutter because you couldn’t cast a stupid spell properly? You’re pathetic, Tetsurou.”

The silence felt heavier than anything Daishou had ever experienced.

Without looking up, Kuroo said, “I’ll show you how well I can cast a spell if you don’t get out of my sight.”

Daishou inhaled. He had to apologize. He had to apologize right now. Fucking drop his pride and beg and plead and say all of those things he should have said to Mika, all of those things he still wanted to do say to Mika.

But he never got the chance.

“Kuroo?”

Daishou turned.

“Kenma,” Kuroo said, his voice small and fragile.

Daishou didn’t turn and looked back at Kuroo, but his face must have been miserable because Daishou had never seen Kozume look like that when Kuroo was around.

And it was Daishou’s fault that Kuroo was like this. It was his fault. All of it. Why couldn’t he just admit that?

Kozume walked down the hall, right past Daishou without so much as a glance at him, and knelt next to Kuroo. He rubbed up and down his back, comforting him, and Kuroo clutched at Kozume’s robes with shaking hands.

“What did I do, Kenma?”

“It’s going to be okay,” Kozume replied, gentle.

Daishou swallowed. Kuroo would only hate him more if he spoke now, if he tried to fix what clearly could not be fixed.

He turned and walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading to this point and as always, any feedback is very much appreciated!! 
> 
> I know I need come back and edit and make some of the scenes more impactful, like the dueling scene at the end there. I know that was a bit lackluster. But I really just wanted to post this fic since it's been half finished for months now!
> 
> I talked a bit about Kuroo and Daishou’s relationship in With Fangs Bared and if I ever finish The Crooked Kind, I’ll go into Kuroo’s feelings for Daishou there (they’re not healthy, kids, not at all). Since this was in Daishou’s PoV, I couldn’t really explain Kuroo’s thought process when he firsts kisses Daishou so here it is:
> 
> Kuroo has liked Daishou since around fourth year but he chooses which pieces of Daishou to acknowledge and like (so only the good parts, not the bad parts, which is why his feelings aren’t healthy). When Mika and Daishou split, Kuroo thinks “this may be my only chance” since, to his knowledge, Daishou is straight. So he takes advantage of the chance and goes for it. Alcohol plays a pretty big part in that decision.
> 
> This fic is named after the song “I Found” by Amber Run. The song “is about an internal struggle. The main character is struggling to accept the fact that he has feelings for someone he believes he shouldn’t. He acknowledges he has tried to move on; but even still, he misses this person more than he thought he would. Using logic, he should not be with this person, and trying to justify it would only drive him crazy.”
> 
> Besides sounding awesome, it fits both Daishou and Kuroo. Daishou misses Mika even though he has Kuroo, and Kuroo likes Daishou despite their drastically different views on things. 
> 
> After this fic, Daishou realizes that he didn’t really explore his feelings for Kuroo because he was hung up on Mika and ends up being hung up on Kuroo. He gets over Kuroo in seventh year, after he sees Kuroo and Tsukishima together and realizes Kuroo never looked at Daishou like that (ie: Kuroo loves Tsukishima, he never loved Daishou, not fully at least). 
> 
> Fast forward a few years, when Daishou has matured a bit, I think he and Kuroo meet up again and are on good terms. I like to think Daishou becomes a florist, buying a flower shop called "Roses and Hemlock" where he sells his poison-hybrids to St. Mungo's for antidotes but also does normal flowers. He actually does the flowers for Kuroo and Tsukishima's wedding (it definietly ends with Tsukishima and Daishou talking shit about Kuroo, by the way). Mika and Daishou meet again as well and do end up married in a healthy relationship because the latest manga chapters are so cute and I cannot resist them being cute together forever.


End file.
